Do you ever feel stuck? Ok, bad question. Right now, most of us are literally stuck at home. But how about beyond our current quarantined-life?
- A job situation that seems never-ending.
- A relationship problem that seems eternal.
- You have a physical ailment or disease.
- Debt or financial pressure.
- Your kid refuses to sleep through the night (I’m raising my hand.)
You feel stuck and you can’t see past this current circumstance.
Airports give off a lot of “I’m stuck and I’m never getting out of here” vibes. One time, I was flying through the Heathrow Airport in London and our plane got stuck on the runway. The pilot announced that there was a minor issue. Over an hour later, we were still on the runway. Then, they announced we needed to switch planes.
We went back into the terminal and waited. We were there so long; I pulled out my guitar and started singing to our community of stuck people. The problem is, I’m not the guy who memorizes many songs. The only song I knew off the top of my head was “Yellow” by Coldplay. (This was 15 years ago when Coldplay was still cool… they were cool, right?!!) People gathered and sang. We created a little yellow community. I started having a fantasy of being stuck here forever. This airport, this guitar, this song. For eternity.
Have you ever noticed this paradox: when you zoom-in on a moment, it feels like it will last for an eternity. In the airport, in traffic, in the waiting room, and sleepless nights with an infant. But then, when you zoom out, things seem to pass by so quickly. My daughter turned 6 years old this week, and the years have flown by. I’ve been married almost 15 years, and they have passed with a few blinks of the eye.
There is this weird thing about time: it is both slow and fast at the same time. Some moments are brutally slow. Other moments are gone before you realize it.
I’m here to tell you a harsh truth. A truth that can be weirdly comforting. If you are going to navigate this world with joy and hope and perseverance, you need to understand it. We need this perspective.
This too shall pass. We have all heard the phrase. But have we let it sink in?
This old, tired phrase teaches us about something I call
the fallacy of permanence.
We think everything is permanent and will last forever. We will always have this relationship. This job. This problem. We’ll never get past this death. Or this hurt. Or this trial. But it’s not true.
None of it is permanent.
This Too Shall Pass
We often credit this ancient phrase to the Bible, but the origin seems to be a Persian proverb. The legend is that a group of wise men came up with a phrase that would be true and accurate in every time and situation. They came up with, “this too shall pass.” Abraham Lincoln famously used it in a speech, so it’s got to be good.
I want to talk about how this truth of human life speaks to you now. How it can give you hope, but also sobriety. How it reminds us of the fallacy of permanence.
So, we’ve got a good news/bad news situation here. But I’m an eternal optimist, so I will throw in some extra good news in the end!
Good News: This Thing You Hate, It Too Shall Pass
It’s hard not to think of the COVID-19 crisis. We’re all starting to wonder if life will ever return to normal. Will we ever speak to friends without using Zoom? Will we all wear designer masks at some point? Will we be able to confess to our friends that we have switched from toilet paper to bidets?
It feels permanent. But this too shall pass. Like any circumstance.
2 things can happen with circumstances:
- The situation changes. It dissolves, evolves, or fades away. Enough time passes, and it’s over.
- Your immune system defeats the sickness.
- Your job changes. Your boss leaves. The difficult person gets fired.
- Winter and cold weather turns into spring.
- You change. Your situation remains, but you evolve.
- Your heartbreak turns into hope.
- You learn how to engage with difficult people.
- Your sense of purpose shifts as you deal with cancer.
Even if life never returns to what it once was—we will find a new normal, we will find new paths forward. The current reality will pass. There will be a new season.
One of the best ways to remember this truth is to look back at our past situations. When you look back at horrible circumstances, did they last forever? Or did they eventually change and evolve? How about you? Did you grow and learn and fight and adapt?
This situation WILL end. You can fight through it. You can evolve and grow and come out of it stronger and better.
I’m Not Minimizing.
This might sound tone deaf to you. What about the person who lost a loved-one to COVID-19? What about the parent whose child is at St. Jude’s with a rare form of cancer? What about those enslaved or persecuted or under oppression?
To be clear, I’m not minimizing any circumstance. Or saying that we should be happy about them or simply “get on with it.” Jesus’s brother, James, tells us to “count our trials as JOY.” Notice he didn’t mention HAPPINESS. Joy is a deep understanding that new life and transformation is possible. An understanding that “this too shall pass.”
There is no reason to be happy about horrible circumstances. I’m not minimizing the pain and hurt that they can bring. But the truth is that they will end.
Just maybe not in the way we want.
Which brings us to some bad news…
The Bad News: This Thing You Love, It Too Shall Pass
“Everything ends, and everything matters … seek the meaning in sorrow, and don’t ever turn away from it, not once, from here until the end.”
Ron Currie Jr. from Everything Matters
Here’s the flip side. The good seasons end too.
- The vacation will end before you know it.
- Your kids will grow up and move out of the house.
- The job you love will change or a friend will leave.
- College life doesn’t last forever. You have to get a real job and eat real foods (that are not microwavable.)
- No matter how many green smoothies you drink or yoga classes you attend—your health will deteriorate.
Sometimes when people buy a house, they call it their “forever home.” (It’s not.) When we make a big purchase, we get a jolt of happiness. This thing will last forever and provide eternal happiness. (It won’t.) Your house is not your forever home—somebody else will own it one day. Your car is not your forever car. You don’t have a forever job. Coldplay won’t be cool forever (I promise they were cool for one time!)
This news is sobering. All the good things come to pass.
But this knowledge leads to more good news.
Good News Part II: There Is Beauty In The Brevity.
Why are vacations so special? Is it the new experiences? Not having to work? Special time with loved ones? Sure, but we can do all these things without a vacation, either on the weekends or at home. What makes vacations special is the uniqueness and the knowledge that they will end. Think about it: if you went on vacation to Maui and decided to stay, it would eventually cease to be a vacation. You would have to get a job and pay rent. You would battle island fever and the cost of flying back to see family. And then you would want to take a vacation to get away from Maui.
Part of what makes them special is the understanding of how brief they are. This is ending soon, so I want to soak in
every sunset…
every shave ice….
every slow morning.
When we realize that good seasons are brief, we remember to soak in the beauty right now because they won’t last forever.
- Our kids will only be young once, let’s invest in each moment with them.
- Loved ones will grow old. Let’s enjoy their presence.
- Our health will fade. Let’s use it while we can.
- We only get so many sunsets and sunrises. Let us sit and revel at creation.
Good News Part III: New Life.
In my faith tradition, we are about to celebrate Easter. This is a time to remember that death and darkness and pain do not have the last word. New life is possible. Resurrection is possible.
Or as Andy Dufresne says in Shawshank Redemption, “Nothing good ever dies.”
A very wise man once said, “for everything there is a season.” What happens in seasons? Things die in some seasons. In other seasons, things are born. In the spring, new life begins to sprout. What was once dead is now alive. Including our allergies.
This is the harsh cycle of life. Yes, things will pass, and things will die. But after the winter comes spring. After death, comes life. After the pain of childbirth comes the miracle of a new baby. After Good Friday, there is Easter Sunday.
There is hope in this world and for the world to come.
“We know now that life begins again on the other side of the darkness. Another life. A new life. After the death, the loss, the rejection, the failure, life does go on. Differently, but on. Having been sunk into the cold night of . . . despair—and having survived it—we rise to new light.”
Richard Rohr
Maybe you are not stuck, you are in the middle of winter.
Maybe you need to hold on and trust that the sun will rise and flowers will bloom again.
Maybe you need to soak in the beauty of this moment.
Maybe you need to look beyond yourself and see the stuck-ness of others. And then help pull them out.
Maybe you need to rest in this promise that “this too shall pass.”
